Lowest moment in Uni thus far. So far I haven't quarreled with anyone here and this is the first. Honesetly speaking I could let everything go, but you were so freaking childish and yet you still called me the childish one?
Please I wasn't born yesterday and I know you were referring to me. When it was obvious that I was pissed off at you, what did you do? You laughed. As you do every single time when I'm self-conscious, when I'm upset, when I'm angry. There's not one moment where you fail to crush me. And trust me, the only reason this is affecting me is coz I treat you as a close friend. And do you know why I don't accept your apology? Coz I know you don't mean it. As with every other time that you were joking around.
Sorry if I'm not a funny person but I don't take jokes very well. obviously there have been many times that I just compromise and laugh along or ply along but there's a limit to everything and this is the last straw. I hope you understand. I'm still annoyed by your ignorance towards my feelings but at the same time, I'm trying to understand that you're never gonna be as overly-sensitive as me. This is gonna take some time and I hope our group dynamics won't be affected.
(On a lighter note, this is a great song!)
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
Independent
So today was a really long day. And by long, I mean, as much as I thought my weekends were crazy, today was hella nerve-wrecking.
To those that were with me today probably saw that I was literally breaking down due to my nerves. I honestly haven't been so scared. I don't want to mention what happened, especially on such a public platform but I just really felt like blogging out my thoughts and emotions. I guess some stuff you can confide in others but others, you just want to rant it out just to keep a clarity of mind. If that makes any sense. I'm just really shag from training right now so what I say may not make much sense but I just wanna get this post out there.
I started off the day not really thinking that it could affect me so much. Honestly, things went pretty well till mid-afternoon. But I guess the whole incident left me really nervous and jittery throughout my whole dance practice in the evening. I guess I was just really affected by it and until now, I have no idea why it affects me so much.
As Alex mentioned before, I'm a pretty extreme person. I'm not super emotional or anything but when I feel, I feel a lot, By this point, most of you should already know what I'm talking about but if not, it's okay.
So anyway, after getting through hell practice, I guess I did gain some clarity of thought. I really need to be more independent and do what is right for me. Too many a time, I've been listening to my friends' advice, writing what they want me to, saying what they want me to etc... But more often than not, I find that I'm showing a side of me that doesn't exist (basically just being a puppet). Which is going to be a problem if I don't stop this now. During this crazy period, I've had friends pull my hopes high, others pulling it down, some not really taking a stand at all, but all in all, all their opinions mattered to me more than it should and I need to learn how to detach myself from them.
As much as my friends can give me advice and tell me their opinions, it all depends on what my heart tells me to do and what I'm most comfortable with. Okay, maybe not comfortable since sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone but I guess I just need to do what's right by me and make sure I don't regret moves I make. My heart may not be the best way to judge what I should do since half the time I'm just flustered and all, but I guess I should learn to take a step back and see things clearly before making any decisions. Or at least show others the true me. So I guess for now, I shall just focus on being a better me and continuing growing. I'm not saying I'm giving up, neither am I saying that I'll continue to try and be noticed, but I guess I just wanna take things as they come and not force anything. Only time will tell. But even so, I really do hope it's a good ending (:
-To all those that actually read till here, I'm really honored that you guys actually bothered about my life to even read this chunk of rants. But even though I said my thoughts are clearer now, my mind and my heart are still flustered, and it will probably take some time for me to cool down as usual, but whatever it is, I'm thankful for my friends regardless. -
Till next time... Hopefully things will get better, and if it doesn't, it's not the end (:
Here's a song that I'm really into now.
(I know I'm not pretty but I still can't help but want to be noticed. I know I hardly stand a chance but sometimes a girl can't help but hope. I know I should give it up, but why do I feel that this is worth holding on to?)
To those that were with me today probably saw that I was literally breaking down due to my nerves. I honestly haven't been so scared. I don't want to mention what happened, especially on such a public platform but I just really felt like blogging out my thoughts and emotions. I guess some stuff you can confide in others but others, you just want to rant it out just to keep a clarity of mind. If that makes any sense. I'm just really shag from training right now so what I say may not make much sense but I just wanna get this post out there.
I started off the day not really thinking that it could affect me so much. Honestly, things went pretty well till mid-afternoon. But I guess the whole incident left me really nervous and jittery throughout my whole dance practice in the evening. I guess I was just really affected by it and until now, I have no idea why it affects me so much.
As Alex mentioned before, I'm a pretty extreme person. I'm not super emotional or anything but when I feel, I feel a lot, By this point, most of you should already know what I'm talking about but if not, it's okay.
So anyway, after getting through hell practice, I guess I did gain some clarity of thought. I really need to be more independent and do what is right for me. Too many a time, I've been listening to my friends' advice, writing what they want me to, saying what they want me to etc... But more often than not, I find that I'm showing a side of me that doesn't exist (basically just being a puppet). Which is going to be a problem if I don't stop this now. During this crazy period, I've had friends pull my hopes high, others pulling it down, some not really taking a stand at all, but all in all, all their opinions mattered to me more than it should and I need to learn how to detach myself from them.
As much as my friends can give me advice and tell me their opinions, it all depends on what my heart tells me to do and what I'm most comfortable with. Okay, maybe not comfortable since sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone but I guess I just need to do what's right by me and make sure I don't regret moves I make. My heart may not be the best way to judge what I should do since half the time I'm just flustered and all, but I guess I should learn to take a step back and see things clearly before making any decisions. Or at least show others the true me. So I guess for now, I shall just focus on being a better me and continuing growing. I'm not saying I'm giving up, neither am I saying that I'll continue to try and be noticed, but I guess I just wanna take things as they come and not force anything. Only time will tell. But even so, I really do hope it's a good ending (:
-To all those that actually read till here, I'm really honored that you guys actually bothered about my life to even read this chunk of rants. But even though I said my thoughts are clearer now, my mind and my heart are still flustered, and it will probably take some time for me to cool down as usual, but whatever it is, I'm thankful for my friends regardless. -
Till next time... Hopefully things will get better, and if it doesn't, it's not the end (:
Here's a song that I'm really into now.
(I know I'm not pretty but I still can't help but want to be noticed. I know I hardly stand a chance but sometimes a girl can't help but hope. I know I should give it up, but why do I feel that this is worth holding on to?)
Sunday, 3 January 2016
Page 3 of 366
So it's officially a new year. By the time most of you read this it'll probably be too late to wish y'all a happy new year but nevertheless, cheers to a great year ahead.
Today is a pretty special day so I decided to write a post.
2015 has been nothing short of amazing. Of course, it might have started off a little rocky but I guess what's important right now is that I've made it and it's been an amazing year of growth for me. Not many may know but I've definitely felt a change in me. Before university, I never really enjoyed school for the matter and I guess I was very negative most of the time. Obviously there are still times now where I'm super doubtful and all but I guess I've learnt to deal with things much better. People who are closer to me would probably have seen this change...
2015 has allowed me to meet many new and important people in my life but at the same time, allowed to keep those close to heart near me as well. I guess it's just a matter of perspective. I honestly thought after leaving JC, I would lose many of my friends (not that I had many to start with) but I guess that's not really the case. Although we might not have many opportunities to meet up, it's what we do with the time together that matters and I'm eternally grateful for friends like these.
Having said all these, I hope that 2016 will be just as amazing if not better. I still have many flaws that I wish to overcome and I hope that 2016 will allow me to do just that. Or at least bring me a step or two closer.
Today is a pretty special day so I decided to write a post.
2015 has been nothing short of amazing. Of course, it might have started off a little rocky but I guess what's important right now is that I've made it and it's been an amazing year of growth for me. Not many may know but I've definitely felt a change in me. Before university, I never really enjoyed school for the matter and I guess I was very negative most of the time. Obviously there are still times now where I'm super doubtful and all but I guess I've learnt to deal with things much better. People who are closer to me would probably have seen this change...
2015 has allowed me to meet many new and important people in my life but at the same time, allowed to keep those close to heart near me as well. I guess it's just a matter of perspective. I honestly thought after leaving JC, I would lose many of my friends (not that I had many to start with) but I guess that's not really the case. Although we might not have many opportunities to meet up, it's what we do with the time together that matters and I'm eternally grateful for friends like these.
Having said all these, I hope that 2016 will be just as amazing if not better. I still have many flaws that I wish to overcome and I hope that 2016 will allow me to do just that. Or at least bring me a step or two closer.
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