Giving Up

So Chinese New Year is just over. Okay not really but the celebration is over (:

Contrary to the title, this is not a sad post! In fact it's just a short one to give you guys some update on my life. For those that bother at least.

These few days have been good to me and I'm super thankful. Yeah I'm still the sad girl I've always been but I don't know, I've been pretty happy these days.
The most unexpected people are there for you when you least expect it. I've met new people, and I've also lost some of the most important people in my life. And no it's not just him. But that being said, I'm glad that I still have friends who won't give up on me.

I've actually been having insomnia these few days.... Not the super serious kind.It's just that I'm so scared for my results that I just can't sleep. Results are in 7-9 days and I'm shitting myself if I say I'm prepared to receive it. I think after reaching school I'll just keep my phone off. Sigghhh...

On a side note, I really want to get a haircut. I know I've been mentioning it a lot but whatever. I'll probably cut of 3-4 inches. Not too sure yet. But at the same time I wanna get my hair coloured and treated. Goodbye money haha.

Oh and before I end off, anyone has any job recommendations?(:

So before I end off, here's a song for you guys. No, it's not meant to have any underlying message or whatever, It's just a really nice song that isn't really my under my usual genre(: Enjoy!

I'm giving up

You say it's now or never

I'm giving up

In time it's for the better

I'm giving up

Before the night is gone

I'm giving in

Giving up strong

I'm A Wreck

They tell me it's not worth it feeling so upset.
They tell me I should forget him.
They tell me I should block every connection.

But don't you think I already know that?

Everything is so much easier said than done, Especially with a friendship that has lasted about 5 years; and a relationship of 1 year plus.
They can't understand what I'm going through because trust me, it's not as much of a heartbreak as it is a betrayal.

I feel as if I'm a ticking time bomb. Ready to explode any moment. And that's what happened 2 days back. I thought I was alright. I thought I wasn't going to be affected any longer. Or at least not THAT affected. But that night I cried. I cried till I puked, I cried till I had a migraine till the next day.

Yes it may seem pretty ridiculous right now but trust me when I say this is like nothing I've ever felt before. And I really just want to get out of this. I want to stop feeling. I'd rather be numb.
Of course first I have to meet new people. Which is why I can't wait for school to start.

But at the same time, I don't want results day to come. Coz I'll see him. But that's not what affects me. Them together is what affects me. But I guess I have no choice do I? I feel like such a failure no matter what I do... And it sucks so much that I make myself feel worse about it.

I guess I'm really just a wreck.

Please, someone just help me. I can't take this any longer, It's killing me.

I want you to fall apart like I did

You to hurt for all of this

All the pain you put me through

I wanna hear you say

"I don't deserve you"

To fall apart like I did

You to hurt for all of this

All the pain you put me through

I wanna hear you say

"I don't deserve you"

Fall apart

Loss

I've actually been meaning to blog for quite some time but I haven't found the right time to do it. Anyway, these few weeks have been real hectic with work and all... All my rest days were also spent waking up early so I'm pretty poofed.

So updates on my life now... I've been attending dance lessons by Fredy Kosman. He's pretty good if I should say so myself haha, but I'm just in the beginner class... But even so, the people there are really good as wells! Feels great to be able to dance once again. Though I really want to try out Gin Lam's classes as well... maybe another time (:

Yesterday was STexcite. I was kinda looking forward to it but at the same time, dreading it. I mean I sorta feel excluded from everyone else heh...
Honestly speaking, it was a real emotional roller coaster with everyone stressing out at different moments, shouting at each other. I can't handle such drama I swear. Anyways, I kinda find myself being more emotionally distressed in such events... Maybe I'm pmsing, I don't know but I think I need a break. At least for a short period of time. Yeah I love my friends but it's getting really hard to hang out with them. I miss them even though I might just be right beside them so whatever it is, I think it's time I made new friends.

I've changed a lot since my camp in sec 4. In the past I would go up to them and probably try fitting in. But now it's like I don't even bother trying... Or I don't want to at least. It's like I'm satisfied with  the small group of friends I have left. Even though I must admit I feel kinda ditched at times sighhh... It's like I'm losing eveyone ): It's so freaking scary but I don't want to admit it to them...

I miss being young and carefree... My emotions are like a roller coaster these days. One moment I can be high like I'm on caffeine and then the next moment I can be emoing in a corner like some depressed kid. Sighhh...

But honestly speaking, I feel like I've changed a lot. I don't even know who I am right now... I don't know how to act in so many situations... I guess many situations have changed me to become who I am now. But I'm not sure if I like it.

I haven't been feeling like ME for the past few months to be very honest. I am (or at least I used to be) the crazy happy girl the is overly sensitive and emos when I'm left out. But right now, I exclude myself from any big group there is... and I'm not even sure why I do that. I miss being ME. Who am I right now? I need some consultation session I swear... There's so much I want to say but I don't even know how to put my feelings in words.

Shall just leave you guys with this new song I found. Till next time, take care!

Tonight your memory burns like a fire 

With every word it grows higher and higher 

I can't get over it 

I just can't put out this love 

I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back 

Close my eyes tightly

Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming 

Come wake me up