Downpour

The english version:

Extroverted Introverts

Chinese New Year was just over, and so was Valentines. I hope all of you received lots of ang paos and roses haha. If not, here's a rose for you ♥♥♥

That aside, I have a topic that is really close to heart that I wanted to share with y'all today : What being an extroverted introvert is like. This may very well be my longest post yet. I'm not sure if many of you who read this will understand but this is for all you individuals who feel me (: Personally, I used to be an introvert in secondary school. Or at least according to personality tests, they told me I was an introvert and I believed. Slowly as I progressed towards university, personality tests started to show that I was an extrovert though honestly, I didn't really feel much different in the way I act around people. After a while, I found this article on Facebook regarding Extroverted Introverts and suddenly everything became clear. Of course, it isn't that dramatic but you get what I mean. Here are just some traits that I picked out from myself and the article and I hope some of you may find that it relates to you (:

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS BY NO MEAN SCIENTIFIC. JUST SOME RANDOM FACTS THAT I PICKED OUT THAT ARE COMMON AMONG ME AND SOME OF MY FRIENDS.

1) We like to be alone sometimes but even so, we hope to be around people

This is a little hard to explain but basically take it as all of us has an energy bar. The more we hang out with our friends, the more it depletes. Being introverts, we need our alone time to recharge and at the same time, collect our thoughts. However the extroverted side of us still likes to be around people. So take for example if you're studying alone, you'd rather study in a place with people such as in a cafe or a library. You'd rather take time to go out and study than stay at home even though most of us are lazy as hell haha.

2) You may think that we have split personalities at times

We're people that are situation-oriented. A lot of how we act is based on the situation that we're placed in. Let me give you an example. During sports camp, I was a relatively quiet individual and that's mainly because I didn't really feel close to people I met in camp and most of them were 100x more extroverted than me. That being said, compare this to my meta camp where most of them were really quiet people. I was a little overly hyper then but that was mainly to hype the group up. I mean, it's a camp, you came here for a reason and it was definitely not to keep to yourself. Many of my friends have already told me that the person they met at camp was so different from that they see in school. But well, I guess we just adapt to our situations. We're still the same people, it's just that we react differently in different scenarios.

3) We like making new friends but at the same time, we find it hard to maintain all friendships

We tend to be very sociable and we enjoy making new friends. However we still need our alone moments and we tend to be very picky with our friends. I'm not saying that there are people who aren't good enough for us or whatsoever, it basically just means we prefer to hang out with people whom we feel a deeper connection to. We hate small talk and you'll understand more in point 4. We like to know more people but it doesn't mean that we'll always spend time with everyone that we meet. Some friends just end up being "hi-bye" friends.
Maintaining friendships is a constant struggle. At any given point, we tend to have one (maybe two) best friends. Connecting with people is easy but that’s not the problem. We like to fit in and have our friends like us which is why we go all out into doing everything for the other party but at the same time, there's only so much we can do, so we can only take being around others incrementally.

4) We don't feel comfortable with small talk

As mentioned above, yes we hate small talk. We like to understand our friends on a deeper level and get to know them better. We constantly need mental stimulation. This is the reason why we hate first dates. We pray so hard that it won't be awkward because if we're gonna have to maintain small talk throughout, it's going to stress us out.

5) We prefer hanging out one or one or in small groups

This point is similar to point 3 but I felt there was a need to highlight this. Of course, big groups aren't necessarily an issue but we tend to not feel comfortable. which is why even in a big group, we tend to stick to the few closer ones.

6) We like to feel like we belong

I'm not really sure how to explain this but there's this need to belong. We don't feel comfortable in situations whereby people are just talking and they kind of forget you. Which is why we like small groups. We don't like the feeling where we feel as if people don't want us to be there. If that's the case, we really rather just be alone as compared to trying to fit in.

7) We overthink (A LOT) but sometimes we just brush it off

Our moods can change drastically, and by drastically I mean, BOOM! And this is really because we overthink a hell lot. Our brains are constantly analyzing scenarios and even after the incident is over, it is still on replay in our minds and sometimes we even think about smart things that we should have said. At the same time, because of this fact that we overthink, a simple thing that someone says might have an effect on us. We try not to let others see that we're affected by it because we don't want others to act differently around us. At the same time, we don't want to make a big hooha out of a simple action, which is why we just brush it off.
However, we do have our moments and when we finally do get annoyed/angry, it's usually not just about the most recent event that happened, but instead and avalanche of past events. I know some of you may not think this is healthy for friendships but really, this is our natural instinct. We're just not confrontational people. When we get annoyed or angry, we just like to stick to ourselves and chill. And then we'll scold ourselves for overthinking and try to act normal again. Even though to be honest, it'll still affect us a fair bit. Please just try not to be offended by us.

8) We like to be recognised for our efforts

Recognition is really important to us. I know some of you might think that we're just fishing for compliments but really, we're just people who work hard to be recognised. This has a little to do with feeling like we belong. We like to be acknowledged for our efforts and are appreciated. We are people who will do anything and everything for people we care for and we just hope that we're appreciated for it.

9) We're pretty extreme people. If we like you, we REALLY like you

This is a pretty unique fact about us I guess. We're pretty extreme. As mentioned, we don't really like hanging out with people that we have to do small talk with. We tend to give our trust away a little too easily and this is mainly because we like to have deep conversations with people we meet. But at the same time, having such conversations doesn't necessarily mean that we take you as a really close friend. But if you have bought us over, we're gonna love you forever and ever. We'll do our best for you and treasure the friendship between us. At the same time, if you have hurt us before, unless there was a damn good reason for it, it'll be very hard for us to return to that amount of closeness, if that made any sense. We bear grudges very easily and though it's not a good trait, that's just how we are. We still try our best to be friends but both of us know things will never be the same.

10) It's hard for us to like and unlike people

This is where the relationship stuff sets in. There are very few people who catch our attention. Of course, good looking people may make really good eye candies but essentially they tend to not be the people we like. We like people whose personality stands out to us amongst the rest. I won't say that for my other fellow extroverted introverts but for me, I tend to fall for charisma and loyalty. (And maybe small eyes as well haha. Just a coincidence.) I would say that in a crowd, they won't be the one to attract your attention. But after knowing them, you'll realise just how subtly charismatic they are and the more you look, the cuter they get haha. Okay maybe that's just me.
At the same time, it's hard for us to unlike someone. Once we fall for someone it's hard to say "STOP!" I personally have encountered this two to three times and trust me, it's really hard to forget even if you didn't get together with the person.

11) We tend to be perfectionists

Throughout this whole blog post, you guys may or may not have noticed this fact. But it is a pretty common trait. We're not good with dealing with our emotions. We're not people who are super emotional but at the same time, we can cry buckets in movies. We care a lot about what others think about us. Being perfectionists, we always have the need to want to feel in control of our lives but since we obviously suck at controlling our emotions, we do our best to control other areas in our lives. Or at least keep them in order. Only by doing so will we feel more at ease.

12) We usually know it when someone doesn't like us

This is just a sixth sense that I guess I've found familiar in me and my friends who are extroverted introverts. It may be due to the fact that we overanalyse situations. But we often know when we're not welcomed.

13) We live in our heads

We're people who live in our heads. This may not make sense but basically, even though we may seem as if we're not talking much, I can assure you that there's a whirlwind in our minds. We just prefer to keep it to ourselves because we are afraid of being judged. And yes, even among our friends.

This list is just merely some of the more important facts that I thought of (I may or may not add more when I deem fit). It isn't exhaustive but I hope that with this post, some of you can maybe understand yourself better and if you're not an extroverted introvert, well, congratulations! You just spent the past few minutes getting to know us better haha. Who knows? Your next boyfriend/girlfriend may be an extroverted introvert as well (: With that, I'll just leave y'all with this new song that I'm in love with (: (OH AND A BUNCH OF ROSES HEHEHE♥♥♥)

A letter to a friend

Lowest moment in Uni thus far. So far I haven't quarreled with anyone here and this is the first. Honesetly speaking I could let everything go, but you were so freaking childish and yet you still called me the childish one?
Please I wasn't born yesterday and I know you were referring to me. When it was obvious that I was pissed off at you, what did you do? You laughed. As you do every single time when I'm self-conscious, when I'm upset, when I'm angry. There's not one moment where you fail to crush me. And trust me, the only reason this is affecting me is coz I treat you as a close friend. And do you know why I don't accept your apology? Coz I know you don't mean it. As with every other time that you were joking around.
Sorry if I'm not a funny person but I don't take jokes very well. obviously there have been many times that I just compromise and laugh along or ply along but there's a limit to everything and this is the last straw. I hope you understand. I'm still annoyed by your ignorance towards my feelings but at the same time, I'm trying to understand that you're never gonna be as overly-sensitive as me. This is gonna take some time and I hope our group dynamics won't be affected.

(On a lighter note, this is a great song!)