Independent

So today was a really long day. And by long, I mean, as much as I thought my weekends were crazy, today was hella nerve-wrecking.
To those that were with me today probably saw that I was literally breaking down due to my nerves. I honestly haven't been so scared. I don't want to mention what happened, especially on such a public platform but I just really felt like blogging out my thoughts and emotions. I guess some stuff you can confide in others but others, you just want to rant it out just to keep a clarity of mind. If that makes any sense. I'm just really shag from training right now so what I say may not make much sense but I just wanna get this post out there.

I started off the day not really thinking that it could affect me so much. Honestly, things went pretty well till mid-afternoon. But I guess the whole incident left me really nervous and jittery throughout my whole dance practice in the evening. I guess I was just really affected by it and until now, I have no idea why it affects me so much.
As Alex mentioned before, I'm a pretty extreme person. I'm not super emotional or anything but when I feel, I feel a lot, By this point, most of you should already know what I'm talking about but if not, it's okay.

So anyway, after getting through hell practice, I guess I did gain some clarity of thought. I really need to be more independent and do what is right for me. Too many a time, I've been listening to my friends' advice, writing what they want me to, saying what they want me to etc... But more often than not, I find that I'm showing a side of me that doesn't exist (basically just being a puppet). Which is going to be a problem if I don't stop this now. During this crazy period, I've had friends pull my hopes high, others pulling it down, some not really taking a stand at all, but all in all, all their opinions mattered to me more than it should and I need to learn how to detach myself from them.

As much as my friends can give me advice and tell me their opinions, it all depends on what my heart tells me to do and what I'm most comfortable with. Okay, maybe not comfortable since sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone but I guess I just need to do what's right by me and make sure I don't regret moves I make. My heart may not be the best way to judge what I should do since half the time I'm just flustered and all, but I guess I should learn to take a step back and see things clearly before making any decisions. Or at least show others the true me. So I guess for now, I shall just focus on being a better me and continuing growing. I'm not saying I'm giving up, neither am I saying that I'll continue to try and be noticed, but I guess I just wanna take things as they come and not force anything. Only time will tell. But even so, I really do hope it's a good ending (:

-To all those that actually read till here, I'm really honored that you guys actually bothered about my life to even read this chunk of rants. But even though I said my thoughts are clearer now, my mind and my heart are still flustered, and it will probably take some time for me to cool down as usual, but whatever it is, I'm thankful for my friends regardless. -

Till next time... Hopefully things will get better, and if it doesn't, it's not the end (:
Here's a song that I'm really into now.

(I know I'm not pretty but I still can't help but want to be noticed. I know I hardly stand a chance but sometimes a girl can't help but hope. I know I should give it up, but why do I feel that this is worth holding on to?)

Page 3 of 366

So it's officially a new year. By the time most of you read this it'll probably be too late to wish y'all a happy new year but nevertheless, cheers to a great year ahead.

Today is a pretty special day so I decided to write a post.

2015 has been nothing short of amazing. Of course, it might have started off a little rocky but I guess what's important right now is that I've made it and it's been an amazing year of growth for me. Not many may know but I've definitely felt a change in me. Before university, I never really enjoyed school for the matter and I guess I was very negative most of the time. Obviously there are still times now where I'm super doubtful and all but I guess I've learnt to deal with things much better. People who are closer to me would probably have seen this change...

2015 has allowed me to meet many new and important people in my life but at the same time, allowed to keep those close to heart near me as well. I guess it's just a matter of perspective. I honestly thought after leaving JC, I would lose many of my friends (not that I had many to start with) but I guess that's not really the case. Although we might not have many opportunities to meet up, it's what we do with the time together that matters and I'm eternally grateful for friends like these.

Having said all these, I hope that 2016 will be just as amazing if not better. I still have many flaws that I wish to overcome and I hope that 2016 will allow me to do just that. Or at least bring me a step or two closer.

Finals are tomorrow?!

I've been meaning to blog for quite some time but I never found the time to actually sit down and pen... or in this case... type my thoughts down. I honestly can't believe I'm already (almost) done with 1 full semester in uni...

Things have been a little hectic as of late. Finals are coming up (tomorrow actually) and I have so many upcoming plans that I legit can't remember at times... This shows how important a planer is. Gonna have to get one for 2016. Anyway, so the past few weeks has been pretty good with Halloween and Starry Night etc... Especially Starry! Enjoyed it so much with my Meta(baes) <- (omg, I just came up with this... I should tell them soon haha!)
Anyways, I guess after starting school, besides training with the emixers, the people that I have been spending a hell load of time with would be my Meta(baes). Okay obviously not EVERYONE in the group but well, a handfull at least. It's really comforting to know that I have these people to count on. Of course there are other people that I'm thankful for as well like Momo and Chingz... but they should already know that (:

I honestly can't wait for finals to be over. Honestly, this semester hasn't been too too crazy for me that I'm super stressed. Obviously there are crazy moments but it wasn't as if there was a heck load of em. I have a really bad feeling next semester will be worst. This semester, I'm taking 5 modules but I only have finals for 3 of em. But next sem... HOHOHO... 5 modules and 5 finals. Good luck to me. I honestly have no idea what made me take stats101 next sem... I guess I just hope some of my JC stuff is still somewhere hidden in the back of my brain.

Anyway, I have already been making so many plans with people for after finals hahaha, but honestly, I think most will cease to exist afterwards coz I'll be so busy. I mean, exams are ending on 2nd Dec and from 14-18 Dec I have Java course. Not to mention I think that my family would be travelling so... WOOHOO, goodbye holidays. But I can't wait for my Meta outing haha. They're intending to go for a karaoke session first before ladies night hahaha!!! SHHHH... But for what's worth, I just wanna relax hehehe. I admit I love uni life but I guess some me time wouldn't hurt haha!

Some movie updates... If you haven't seen Our Times, GO WATCH IT! I swear it's definitely worth the time spent! Even Bryan admitted that he felt a little soft after watching it and that means something haha! There are a few movies coming up that I really want to watch as well! But I guess we have to wait till after finals end. Anyway, to every uni student reading this, good luck for finals! Till next time guys....